1. If born prematurely, be baptized in the delivery room. By a Jewish physician.
2. Your first memory: your mother carrying you as a toddler over her very pregnant stomach.
3. First words? "I'm sorry, Mommy."
4. At your first confession, confess to Adultery for your mortal sin, because you think it means acting too grown up.
5. At least two names, preferably three, required. Jean Ann Marie. Katherine Marie Claire. Susan Theresa Marie. Oh yeah, and have Marie in your name for the Virgin Mary.
6. After your first communion, refuse to take off your dress and veil, so you can play "bride." Tear the lace on your dress while falling out of your tree house.
7. First lesson in cannibalism? Learning to hold the "Baby Jesus" on your tongue reverently, without letting him touch your teeth. Or gagging.
8. Run away to your fort and refuse to come home when Mom cooks mutton. Ditto: unpeeled cow tongue.
9. Eat potatoes every style known to man. Baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, hashbrowns, corn beef hash, potatoes O'Brian, scalloped potatoes, shoestring potatoes, potato chips, potato pancakes, and, for some unknown reason, sweet potato fries.
10. When your hair turns from copper penny to honey brown between six and seventh grade? Have your mother cut it boy short, in hopes it "will come back in red".
11. Share your bedroom with a sister. And a brother.
12. If the priest comes to visit? Make sure it's not just for dinner, but for the whole three months the rectory is being remodeled.
13. Find comfort in the fact you don't have to join a gang. You and your siblings are a gang. (Of hooligans, according to the afore cited Mother).
14. Never forget for one second that you are Irish, the protectors of all that is beautiful in life: poetry, song, deep religious thought, and The Book of Kells. Translated: it doesn't matter if you're poor, life is good.
Hi Mommy,
ReplyDeleteI will give you some HTML lessons, or at least a link. Otherwise, I must say, you deprived me of my authentic Irish Childhood. Thank you.
I, too, was deprived of my Authentic Irish Childhood. My grandmother, of the O' something clan who came here during the Great Famine (not making this up), completely lost her religion, married a WASP named Buzz Townsend (not making that up either--so fifties!), and ended up in Norfolk, Virginia.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, why do you need HTML? I thought that's what these brainless bloggers were for, so we could just write?
--person over 40